top of page

BQQ-02: Snake Hands

The party hears something clawing inside the big coffin that’s all fancy-like.

"I told you we had to kill the big one first, but nobody listens to the crocodile!" Sr-Gung-Ban says.

"All right, who wants to open big strong coffin?" Tsarvoya says.

Everyone looks at the crocodile because of course they do.

Sr-Gung-Ban backs dat ass up and smacks open the coffin with her giant tail, but a zombie doesn’t pop out of the coffin. Instead, a little woman pokes her head out and scans the stressed-out adventurers in front of her.

"Hi please don't eat me,” the woman says. “What's up? I was taking a little nappy-nap. How are y'all doing."

"This one looks good for a mummy... is it just me?" Tsarvoya says, eyeballing the stranger.

"Nooooo nono! I am super small. And very sneaky-sneaky!" the woman says.

"All right, what's your name?" Tsarvoya says.

"I'm Sybil Spellbottom. What's your name?"

Sr-Gung-Ban is confused, hesitating to eat the stranger since she may be of some value to the party. Sybil eases the confusion by stating that she got lost from her last adventuring group, and they left her behind in a coffin.

"Well, we are in here searching for a potion to cure aakom poisoning,” Tsarvoya says.

"If we are kind of in agreement, I will not eat this new human if she helps us get treasure!" Sr-Gung-Ban says.

"I'm fine with it," Tsarvoya says.

"Yeah I don't think you should eat her!" Slim says. "I think since this person rose from a coffin, it's a little bit like Jesus... so don't eat them."

Slim’s words now mean that Jesus is a part of the religious groups in this fantasy world, which is really going to be awkward since it’s the same world as the Tomb of Annihilation on the main Blunder Quest storyline.

Getting kinda weird folks!

"If she turns out to be terrible, we have crocodile eat her and be fine. This is fair,” Tsarvoya says, and the party agrees.

Sybil doubts that this growing friendship is really budding, so she prefers not to walk next to the crocodile because teeth and mouth and nope. She grabs all of her magic-user gear out of the coffin and joins in with the rest of the party. They decide to leave the third coffin alone since it’s making zombie noises.

The party then heads over to where Sr-Gung-Ban knocked over the snake statue, and they slip under the hole left in the floor. They see that it leads to a hallway flanked by several other snake statues.

"I don't feel good about this..." Tsarvoya says.

"I can just knock them over!" Sr-Gung-Ban says.

Slim doubts destroying the culture of a foreign, ancient civilization in a landscape that none of them are natives of and the potential negative effects these acts could have on—

Sr-Gung-Ban doesn't care so she breaks one to pieces.

"Some poor archaeologist is going to be so upset..." Slim shakes his head.

They continue down and find an octagonal room with several doors and a pool of water in the center.

Tsarvoya looks into the pool because she’s a white woman in a horror film, and two mummified hands leap out at her. She swats at one with her torch, then runs back as the rest of the crew steps up to destroy these diddly things.

Beebo takes her sword out and chops some fingers off of a hand, but the rest of the PC’s can’t manage to hit the hands since they’re so skittish—like roaches if roaches were hands and the hands were undead and the undead were a couple of assholes.

The hands keep lashing at the party members, but no amounts of crocodile bites or shortbow arrows can land a hit. Beebo clips another with her sword, finally hindering it enough for Slim to skewer it into the floor with an arrow and end it.

Sr-Gung-Ban manages to corner the remaining hand and smack it with her tail. "Shoot it Slim! Shoot it!" Sr-Gung-Ban says, channeling her inner Troy Landry.

Slim takes a shot but misses.

Tsarvoya tries to stab the claw, but it leaps at her face and latches on, digging its fingers into her skin and clawing pieces of flesh out, slowly creeping down to her throat.

Sybil slips the butt-end of her spear under the hands’ fingers and pops it off of Tsarvoya’s throat, then Tsarvoya slams her boot onto the prone hand, stomping it to smithereens. Tsarvoya then casts cure light wounds on herself to fix her stupid face.

"Well uh that was gross. I definitely did not want to eat those things. I prefer to detach my hands like a chicken wing rather than already be attached," Sr-Gung-Ban says, glad the fight is over.

Slim picks up the severed fingers and hands and pockets them for… for later?

What’s in his kimchi anyways!?

They all make fun of him for his terrible ingredients.

Slim throws the hands back into the pool.

"I'm gonna dive in and look for treasure," Sr-Gung-Ban says. "But you check it out first." She nudges Slim forward.

"Is this a good idea?" Sybil mutters.

"You were stuck in a coffin!" Sr-Gung-Ban shouts at her.

"I was SLEEPING in a coffin!" Sybil says.

They check out the water pit and dunk some rocks into it. The rocks land in the water. Then nothing happens.

Slim dips out a cup of the water and swirls it around. It stings his nostrils a bit, smelling of dark licorice, so he pours it back into the hole.

"I wouldn't suggest going in," Slim says. "It smells funny."

"But there might be treasuuuure..." Sr-Gung-Ban says. "And I'm good at dealing with poison. My saves are good!” She shows him her character sheet.

"You're an independent crocodile, you do you booboo!" Sybil says, not attached to any of these people.

Sr-Gung-Ban dives into the pool and finds a solid amount of loot that she snatches up, but then feels something chewing on the back of her tail.

She leaps out of the pit with the loot, and the party gasps at the sight of a decapitated mummy head latched to the back of her tail. She raises her tail and smacks the mummy head several times until it quits its yammering.

They check out their loot, revealing the following:

  • A gold chain worth 350 sp

  • Random coins and trinkets worth 60 sp.

  • A wand with a prancing bull engraved on it.

  • A strange ring.

Sybil checks her arana books to see what the wand can do. She determines that the wand only has one charge remaining in it, but the bull means the wand can buff people and gain a bonus of sorts.

Sr-Gung-Ban slips the strange ring over her tooth, and her eye pops out and rolls across the floor. The eye is hard like glass, but she can still see through it.

Slim picks up the eye and pops it back into Sr-Gung-Ban’s head.

"I swear if any of you laugh, I'm gonna..." Sr-Gung-Ban grumbles while trying to tilt her eye back into place.

Beebo gives her torch back to Tsarvoya since it's too much responsibility for her. She’s only a little halfling and can’t be trusted with torches.

Tsarvoya explores more of the room and finds a hall way that leads into a storage with 18 terracotta statues of snakemen holding weapons.

Sr-Gung-Ban not-surprisingly says, "I think we should smash them!"

"Hear me out. Let's say we smash them, and they don't break, and more of them come to life," Tsarvoya says.

"What do we get by breaking them?" Sybil says.

"Who knows? I jumped into the doodoo water and look what I found." Sr-Gung-Ban says, twirling her eyeball around in her socket.

Tsarvoya pokes one of the statues with her spear, scratching some of the clay off. Sr-Gung-Ban takes the path of least resistance and plows through all of the statues, breaking them to pieces.. She knocks them all over like dominoes and they shatter. "Also I hate idols! Idols should only built of me..." Sr-Gung-Ban says. "In crocodile culture we HATE gods, so I destroy anything they make!"

They dig through the clay statues and find nothing.

They leave the statue room and go back to the octagonal room, stepping up to a wooden door.

Slim checks out the wooden door for traps. No traps!

He then pushes it open, and they find a room with a few rotten beds and trashed shelves. A silver and emerald snake statue rests in the corner, so they steal the shit out of that. The ground is littered with scrolls written in snake-latin, and it turns out Beebo can read them.

“This is the language of one of my children’s books that I would read!” she says, looking through the scraps.

Slim can read the language too. "I used to work in a kitchen with a snake.”

They identify the writings of the snakes as crazy ramblings from old priests.

"Is there anything about the dungeon in here? The mummies? The hands? Snakes don't even HAVE hands!" Sr-Gung-Ban says. “WHY WERE THERE HANDS!?”

"How about we burn the scraps?" Slim says, no longer caring about destruction of culture.

"I'm fine with that." Sr-Gung-Ban says.

They approach the seams of the stone door to the south and see nothing that looks like a trap.

They then read all of the inscriptions on every other door, finding doors that have a carving of snakes raining from the sky, and three other doors labeled with the names Franzibar, Xisor the Green, and Sparamuntar.

"They could be tombs of snake people?" Beebo says.

"IMPORTANT snake people?" Tsarvoya says.

"People with treasure..." Sr-Gung-Ban grins.

Sr-Gung-Ban opens an unmarked door and finds an unfinished crypt, as though it was being built for someone but then got abandoned. No treasure! So time to look into another.

They go to Xisor the Green’s door and check the outside of it for traps. Finding none, they open the door and see a hallway leading to a room with a stone casket. On the back wall of the room, a mounted silver plate gleams in the distant torchlight.

As Tsarvoya leads the way, Sr-Gung-Ban notices that there is a pressure plate on the floor in the hallway that Tsarvoya almost steps on, so everyone stops moving.

“You need to step on the plate,” Sr-Gung-Ban says. “Go ahead and trigger it so we don’t have to worry about it.”

Sr-Gung-Ban scampers to the doorway and stands in the center. The halflings and Sybil all hide behind her. Tsarvoya takes out her spear, presses herself flat against the wall of the hallway, then presses down on the pressure plate.

As she presses down, a blinding lightning bolt spews out of silver plate mounted in the wall and cavalcades down the hallway, zipping past Tsarvoya and zapping Sr-Gung-Ban, Slim, Beebo, and Sybil for 4d6 damage.

Sr-Gung-Ban is stunned unconscious, and the other three all char to a blackened crisp, slain by the lightning.

Tsarvoya stares at the disaster…

She is really fucked up in the head now, so she runs over to Sr-Gung-Ban and uses the prancing bull wand on her, but the wand contains a charge of bull’s strength, which boosts Sr-Gung-Ban’s strength by an additional 4… she’s still unconscious and charred, but she’s ripped as hell for a while!

Tsarvoya cries a little and curls into a fetal position, falling asleep in the hallway.

Sr-gung-Ban wakes up after four hours. "Wh... where are our friends!? Slim?"

"You told me to push the button so I push button!" Tsarvoya shouts from her position on the floor.

"But what happened!? I smell burning? Was it fire? I hate fire!"

"Bolt of lightning straight down the hallway!" Tsarvoya says.

"Oh god everyone is dead. You're not dead. I'm not dead. Why are we not dead?" Sr-Gung-Ban says, panting.

"I thought you were dead... I did a wand thing and tried to take care of you and now you are here." Tsarvoya says.

They both take a long rest and regain Tsarvoya’s spell slot. She restores 5 HP to Sr-Gung-Ban, which puts her at positive 4 hit points.

"... We should maybe just look for potion... no touching traps." Sr-Gung-Ban says.

"No more traps!" Tsarvoya says.

"No more traps! I will tell you NOT to press a button that will kill us all,” Sr-Gung-Ban says.

The tomb now has three additional corpses inside, all thanks to the adventurers!

34 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page